Mandy's Mayhem

The Visitor's Vacation.

2012-01-21T22:43:00.000-08:00

You are coming to visit so I will tidy up this room, I will change the sheets and flip the pillows and set the clock right so you’ll know exactly what time it is. I will clean up all the mess so that when you arrive, you will feel like no one has ever been here before.

I will wait by the window, I will help you with your bags and I will hide my disappointment when the weight of your suitcase confirms it: you won’t be staying long. This is just a visit, you are just a visitor; I am a vacation.

You will ask me for a tour and I will take you room by room: the living roomthat seat isn’t yours, the kitchen ignore the photographs, the bedroom don’t open the closet, the bathroom stay out of that drawer. Then the guestroom: sanitized to your liking, fit for someone new, and if you wander out of it I can’t promise that you’ll like what you find. There’s only so much space to hide the things others have left behind.

We will share a drink or four; we’ll get to talking. You’ll be aware of how foreign I am, this is, it’ll take some getting used to but soon enough you’ll find familiarity in this lived-in space. It will remind you of a time when you called someplace home.

And you’ll remind me of a time when life felt less cold, when summer was endless, when I could pad around barefoot on wooden floors. When body heat was mass-produced between these four walls — on very cold nights, even I have trouble believing that it ever happened. But right now I believe it because it is warm, you are warm, you are a vacation.

You will shed your tourist skin and I will let you open that drawer, sit in that seat, look at those photographs. We will play house and it will feel wrong and right, all things considered. All things like, you have no intention of staying. All things like, I knew that before I let you in. All things like, can’t we suspend the inevitable and have breakfast in bed one more time? Things like that.

Your last day here will sneak up on us, even though the clock in the guestroom announced it was approaching. One belabored tick at a time. On that day, your open suitcase on the bed will reveal what we always knew we were: a visitor, a vacation, a guest, a distraction. We will stand in the doorway for longer than what’s comfortable and you will remark that your luggage feels heavier. Everything will feel heavier.

When you walk out of the door, a draft will rush in to fill the space you once occupied.

Don't Take This For Granted.

2011-12-14T02:56:00.000-08:00

Don’t take your health for granted, that flighty thing. Anyone who’s battled with their own knows how temperamental a body can be. That humans are imperfect machines, short-circuiting beneath our skin a tiny bit each day. Once the health goes, it leaves the door open so that many other things can go with it.

The taste of love in a homecooked meal, your eyes reuniting with something you’ve missed, the scent of a former fling, the sound of dancing piano keys. Use your senses, use all of them in ways that enthrall and embarrass you. Leave nothing untouched.

That buzz in your brain, that vibration you feel when your ambitions have been awarded, when you finally succeed where it matters most? Hold on to it tightly; recall it when the champagne giggles of accomplishment fade into a content sigh, when the high of recognition wanes. Never take the electricity of achievement for granted; you will have been lucky to experience it in the first place.

Don’t take for granted your freedom. The freedom to create, the freedom of thought, the freedom to imagine because these are the freedoms no one can take away. Be thankful for the people who protect the freedoms that can be retracted, the ones we take advantage of most, the ones that didn’t exist 20, 50, 100 years ago. Realize you’re entitled to speak, to vote, to assemble because someone long before you put in the grunt work; realize that others might never see a day when they can express themselves in public. Understand that freedom is fickle, that we could lose it to apathy at any moment.

People should not be taken for granted — not the ones who raised you, not the ones who ground you, not the ones who love you. Not the stranger who chased you for a half-block to tell you you’ve dropped something, not the one who holds the door for you, not the one who asks you if you’re feeling okay or the one who asks you to dance. Their actions are not inconsequential; they are what it means to be human, a state so common that it’s rather easy to forget how extraordinary it can be. Don’t. Remember it always, remember how bland and unsatisfactory and meaningless life would be without humanity.

The time someone stood in front of you and nakedly, candidly told you how they felt about you; the time someone let you cry for minutes, hours, because you couldn’t do it alone anymore; the time someone asked how you were and wanted to listen to the answer. Don’t take this for granted, because moments like these don’t come in bulk. Acts of love can’t be bought on sale or saved for rainy days — they come when they come and the best you can do is recognize them for what they are: flashes that make life worth living.

Don’t take for granted the small things: the last time the sun kisses your face before three days of rain or having a pair of eyes to look into, hands to hold. A warm bed to collapse into at the end of a long day and an illuminated sky on a clear night. Embrace the people you can sit in silence with, and the ones who make you laugh for hours with little effort. The small things add up to big things, the big things add up to everything. Don’t take this for granted.

Universal Roles.

2011-11-29T00:02:00.000-08:00

Let’s play the Universe game.

I’ll be a star cloud because that’s what your presence reduces me to. A mass of luminosity and in those moments, I’m impossible to measure mathematically. Not with the naked eye, anyway. It’s simpler than that: you say my name and I’ll glow.

You can be the North Star, burning bright and hot. You’re Polaris because you stand out, because you’re a fixture in my sky. Because when I’m lost, I can find you and be okay. You’re my point of reference.

Speaking of Polaris, we can be the Big Dipper and Little Dipper, the Ursa Major and Ursa Minor, the Big Bear and Little Bear – whichever name you prefer as long as we’re partnered together in perpetuity. Our bond will know no lingual or cultural or geographic limits. No matter where two people stand on this Earth, they’ll look up and see us and know that we belong together.

We can be whichever constellations you like, at least in the beginning. In the beginning we’ll be all starburst and Andromeda and other striking sights that’ll inspire envy; but it won’t stay that way.

This is when the game loses its sheen.

Maybe we’ll stop communicating. I’ll grow distant; I’ll grow colder like Mars. And you’ll grow angrier, volatile like Jupiter. A mess of rock and metal and discarded things will separate us, an Asteroid Belt of our grievances. But I’ll overlook it; I’ll still sit by your side and will your storms to quit brewing. Anything to make them stop brewing.

Or maybe you’ll grow distant first. Perhaps you’ll become the Sun and I, the Earth — turning in on myself to revolve around you because you are the light and what keeps me warm. Me rotating around you. Your selfishness so belittling that one day, I’ll become too small to be the Earth. So you’ll take my place, and I’ll become your moon. This is a better fit because some days I’ll appear to be whole but others? I’ll look like I’m half, or a quarter, or just a tiny sliver of who I was. On rare occasions, we’ll still align. I will pass through your shadow and bask in your sunlight; my face awash in gold and red and I’ll remember the way things were. But lunar eclipses, they’re few and far between and they’re not enough to save us.

Perhaps one moon won’t be enough for you, eventually. Eventually you’ll want what the others have, you’ll want eight moons or sixteen moons or more, so you’ll become Saturn. You’ll have more rings, more moons than you’ll know what to do with. And I will have no choice but to take the hint. I’ll be Pluto: downgraded and disregarded and cast aside. “You’re not even a planet anymore,” you’ll say, and I’ll know we’ll never be the same again. I’ll feel really, really small.

Finally it’ll become too much, the heartache. So I’ll be a supernova, one who was once a star but is now explosive, exploding, exploded. And it will be spectacular, you’ll be impressed by the amount of light I had inside of me. You had no idea just how much.

But it’s of no consequence. Because you are all of the planets, and all of the moons, and all of the matter; you’re all that matters. You are the sun; and you’ll just keep spinning and spinning and spinning.

Lurking Shadows.

2011-11-16T05:54:00.000-08:00

Yr ghost still haunts me.

He's always
ruffling
my bed's
sheets.

Yr ghosts still pulls my hair and leaves

patches
of
it

I do not take the alley ways at night
for I know yr ghost will sneak behind me
cleverly trying to hide himself
when i turn my head

'you still have a shadow, ' I say

yr ghosts pulls up my floorboards

searching

for what he lost

'you're not going to find it here, ' I say

and then he mouths that he'll leave
but he never completely goes away.

It's Time To Let Go.

2011-10-16T03:08:00.000-07:00

It’s time to let go. I know: it’s scary right? I’m about to let go too, so let’s just do it together and maybe the whole process will be easier on us both. No, no, you can’t stay, it really is time to walk away — you’ve been holding on for too long now, and so have I. I know it’s simpler this way — just, shhhh, OK, listen to me — great now I lost my train of thought…

What I’m trying to say is that whatever you’re holding on to is holding you back, and it’s come to the point where you can’t hold on any longer. You’re like the picture of that adorable kitten on the string saying “hang in there!” except that you’ve been hanging for so long your paws are bloodied and gravity has dislocated your arm sockets. You’re a rag doll, a limp and impotent version of what you need to be, so quit your bitching and release your claws. It’s time to fall, whether you’re ready or not.

It’s time to be a grown up (what an awful concept). It doesn’t mean all the stale things you think though, like wearing cravats and only having one glass of wine over dinner. It just means you have to let go of a few things. You have to let go of the baggage you’ve been carrying around since high school. Sure you have your insecurities, we all do, but it’s time to put them down in a place where they can’t hurt you anymore.

You have to let go of all the childish things you see in the world, and start understanding limitlessness for real. let go of your anger, and all the stored up rage inside you (just let it rip if you want, scream and break things, but be sure to let it all go). Let go of the detritus of all your failures and of all those who have failed you. Let go of your adopted cynicism because maybe being a grown up is really just about accepting that the magic has been there all along, and you’ve just been too immature to let it happen to you.

It’s time to be less afraid, because all those broken hearts only amount to as much as you allow them to. If you don’t let go of them now, let them fall to the ground and actually shatter the way they were supposed to before you so greedily scooped them back up and held them to your chest, you might miss out on love. So drop it now — your mistrustfulness, your obsessive, unhealthy relationship with your wounds — yes, it really is time to Let Go.

It’s time to fall — yeah OK, when you let go, you’re going to fall. I’m not going to lie; it’s probably going to hurt like a mofo. If it makes you feel better I can go first, and I’ll wait at the bottom to catch you. Because we’re doing this together remember? We’re going to let go because holding on to this wire is cutting lines through our palms and if we hang here too long they’ll scar and every time we look down at our hands we’ll remember we’re just prisoners.

So, here we go. On the count of three… One… Two… Ready?… Three. LET GO. Now we’re falling, and all the things we kept wrapped around us, all the spikey, nasty, ugly things that we thought made us safe for so long are just specks in the sky, becoming smaller as we fly away.

-by Kat George

a self-indulgent letter for every little girl who still holds on to their excess load of crap baggage of fears, inflicted wounds and whatever that is prohibiting you from enjoying the present

The Ticking Clock.

2011-10-08T09:09:00.000-07:00

' No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don’t want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life’s change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.
Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary. '

-Steve Jobs.

Words Authorization.

2011-07-27T10:32:00.000-07:00

Words seem to hold a certain power behind them that is often overlooked, don’t they?

They can turn your cheeks cherry red
or the corners of your mouth slowly upwards.

They can make you burst into a fit of tears
either from laughing so hard the pit of your stomach hurts,
or from how much it hurts to hear such cruel things,
when they feel like a knife straight to the heart,
or the unexpected sharp pain from one behind you.

They can carry the empty weight of promises that they can’t ever keep,
keeping you awake at night and stirring you from sleep (when you can’t help but still believe).

But with the promises that they can hold,
they can sometimes promise a whole world full of beauty
that only causes you to fall even harder and much more easily,
making you want to wrap yourself with all the imagery presented in every sentence spoken
like a blanket or a fortress they pulled together with string, built just for you to safely live in, all warm and cozy.

Words, if used wisely,
can say so much,
without saying anything or very little
to mean everything you’ve ever wanted to hear.
Or they can say a lot and mean so much.. of nothing at all.

The power of such simplicity.

And we yet we abuse such freedom of speech
uttering whatever foolish, abrasive thoughts that pops in our supposingly insightful minds
forsaken its dominance of the human emotion
snub and neglecting the harsh remarks that would inflict on one's heavy heart.

4.

2011-06-25T11:03:00.000-07:00

There's one sad truth in life I've found
While journeying east and west -
The only folks we really wound
Are those we love the best.
We flatter those we scarcely know,
We please the fleeting guest,
And deal full many a thoughtless blow
To those who love us best.

~Ella Wheeler Wilcox

Liking Is for Cowards. Go for What Hurts.

2011-06-02T10:56:00.000-07:00

by Jonathan Franzen.

“The simple fact of the matter is that trying to be perfectly likable is incompatible with loving relationships. Sooner or later, for example, you’re going to find yourself in a hideous, screaming fight, and you’ll hear coming out of your mouth things that you yourself don’t like at all, things that shatter your self-image as a fair, kind, cool, attractive, in-control, funny, likable person. Something realer than likability has come out in you, and suddenly you’re having an actual life.”

“When you stay in your room and rage or sneer or shrug your shoulders, as I did for many years, the world and its problems are impossibly daunting. But when you go out and put yourself in real relation to real people, or even just real animals, there’s a very real danger that you might love some of them.

And who knows what might happen to you then?”

Mask of Social Acceptance.

2011-05-25T01:22:00.000-07:00

' Maybe it was fitting in a world of insecurity, where curly haired kids wanted straight hair, heavy kids wanted to lose weight, skinny kids wanted to gain it, and everybody wanted to be somebody else — the one true beauty was the girl who simply knew herself and was happy with what she knew. '

- The Wonder Years

We live in a time where flaws are to be hidden, mistakes forgotten and pain concealed. Our thoughts and imaginations and ambitions are overshadowed by appearances: the facades we plaster to our beings with cake makeup faces and false friends meant to disguise our true selves.

Our hours are riddled with technology and texting and multitasking. We have shortened attention spans that just worry, worry, worry and because we hear so often how we’re different or disappointing or less attractive or better or wore than everyone else, few people stop to realize we’re all really the same.

Take It Or Leave It.

2011-04-18T08:27:00.000-07:00

' I know who I am and I am always me, although I can be really intense at times…sometimes I’m shy, painfully transparent, sharp at times, at others silly. I am one intense adjective at a time, and while I’m there, I don’t resist those feelings. I rest in those moments. I call it freedom. Maybe I’m nuts (probably,) but I notice that when I fight myself, suck myself in, I lose all the stuff, the fruit, the core of me that I enjoy the most. Some find me off-putting, but here I am. Take it or leave it. Being honest outwardly and most important inwardly is terrifying. Maybe they won’t like you. Maybe they won’t understand you. Maybe you won’t get the job. Maybe all that is true, but not every chance belongs to you. ' x

Upon Written Pages.

2011-04-10T07:26:00.000-07:00

"To many it is obvious — I’ve got the likes of you written all over me, in ink no less. And the string of words and phrases you’ve got me wearing feel never ending, going from line after line to pages upon pages, to the point where you could no longer see the pale of my skin, but only the goosebumps you manage to draw from just the ticklish edge of your (finger)tips. And no one understands why you I let you use me like an open canvas for your needs, because they don’t understand how it feels to have all of you blanket over me and they don’t know about the softness that’s in each stroke of your movement as you press up against me and they don’t know easily fulfilled I feel whenever I am full of you. But it isn’t about that — it’s about how just the touch of you makes me my corners curve up into a smile and how every time we get together, we have more than enough chapters to add on to continue our love story. Because as silly as it seems, I guess there just isn’t anyone else who’s got me penned like you do."

A love letter from paper to pen. x

Stating The Obvious.

2011-04-03T08:13:00.000-07:00

Thou Shall Never Be Blind.

2011-03-15T09:29:00.000-07:00

Scary.

To me, “I love you” means “I accept all of your parts, as they are.” But I was becoming obsessed. And obsession is the antithesis love. It is the anti “I accept you as you are” because obsession accepts all—it is blind.

-The Frisky

The Gray Matter.

2011-03-10T04:29:00.000-08:00

"She ended with a paragraph on the fact that everything people do can be used for good or evil. Good and evil are like a white and a black thread that make up a single strand. Sometimes they're so closely entertwined that it's impossible to entangle them. "

-Gaarder

Attention To Details.

2011-03-02T08:23:00.000-08:00

' This one time I painted a living room with a girl.

This was a handful of years back. It was about eight months before the huge, flame-out of a breakup. That day, though? That day we painted the living room? It was pretty uneventful. We painted my parents living room for $50 between us and a pizza. That was it. I think we watched Anchorman or something after that.

But it still holds as on of the most indelible memories I have.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not still in love, it happened, it was good, it ended, and we’ve both moved on. But I’ll never forget that day. Because it’s never, in the long run, about the grand gestures. You can fly across the world and show up on her doorstep with a rose in your teeth and a ring in a little velvet box but I can guarantee you that - more often than not - she’s going to remember the time you built the birdhouse in the back yard, or what have you, a whole lot more.

Life wasn’t meant to be taken in large movements. The next day will inevitably arrive, you’ll sleep, and the moment will have passed. But when you have a hundred thousand small moments, you can step back and appreciate the picture a lot more than metaphorically blowing your load on some grand moment that, in all honesty, look, you’re not Bruce Fucking Springsteen, you’re not going to be able to blow everyone’s mind every single night. You’re not Romeo and/or Juliet. There’s no reason to drink the poison together in some flame-out gesture.

So that leaves us with the small stuff. It’s all about the details. '

That’s what love is. Attention to detail.

And these moments, they might end.

And then things might get boring.

And it might get a little quiet.

And it might all end horribly.

And you might hate each other at the end.

And you might walk away from each other one day and never speak again.

But that’s just how it goes.

Life, I always rebut.

But she’ll remember the time you held the door open for her on your first date.
She’ll remember the first time you kissed her in the park wee hours in the morning.
She’ll remember the first time you shed a tear.
She'll remember the time you stayed up all night talking about each others hopes and dreams, fears and insecurities.
She'll remember the time you both basked in the dim candlelit in each other's embrace.
She’ll remember the time you laughed at her impression of the italian accent gone wrong.
She'll remember the long nights that flew by mocking and laughing at the most random things.
She'll remember the time where you bought her to her favourite cafe simply cause she had cravings.
She’ll remember the small things a lot longer than the big ones.

But everything ends.

And I’ll tell you why you have to make the small things, the small moments count so much more:

One day, when time passes by and perhaps old age takes ahold of someone, she might just only remember your smile.

Everything you ever did together

every second

every moment

every beat

every morning spent in bed

every evening spent together on the sofa

all of that - gone.

Everything you ever did will be reduced to the head of a pin.

She won’t remember your name.

She’ll just remember your smile, and she’ll smile.

She won’t know why. It’s a base, gut reaction.

But she’ll smile, uncontrollably, and it will come from somewhere so deep as to know that you touched her on a primal, honest, and true level that no scientist, scholar, or savant could ever begin to explain.

There is no more. There is nothing else.

There is just this: She’ll remember your smile, and she’ll smile.

And you know what?

That’s all that really matters in the end.

Fool Again.

2011-02-28T22:08:00.000-08:00

"DON’T BE AFRAID TO BE A FOOL. REMEMBER, YOU CANNOT BE BOTH YOUNG AND WISE. YOUNG PEOPLE WHO PRETEND TO BE WISE TO THE WAYS OF THE WORLD ARE MOSTLY JUST CYNICS. CYNICISM MASQUERADES AS WISDOM, BUT IT IS THE FARTHEST THING FROM IT. BECAUSE CYNICS DON’T LEARN ANYTHING. BECAUSE CYNICISM IS A SELF-IMPOSED BLINDNESS, A REJECTION OF THE WORLD BECAUSE WE ARE AFRAID IT WILL HURT US OR DISAPPOINT US. CYNICS ALWAYS SAY NO. BUT SAYING YES BEGINS THINGS. SAYING YES IS HOW THINGS GROW. SAYING YES LEADS TO KNOWLEDGE. YES IS FOR YOUNG PEOPLE. SO FOR AS LONG AS YOU HAVE THE STRENGTH TO, SAY YES."

A Gleeful Moment.

2011-02-22T16:09:00.000-08:00

She said, 'I'm so afraid.'

And I said, 'why?'

And she said, 'Because I'm so profoundly happy, Dr. Rasul. Happiness like this is frightening.'

I asked her why and she said,

'They only let you be this happy if they're preparing to take something from you.'

— The Kite Runner

In And Out.

2011-02-20T22:01:00.000-08:00

' I don’t believe in love. I believe in fucking. It’s honest, it’s efficient, you get in and out with a maximum of pleasure and a minimum of bullshit. Love is something that straight people tell themselves they’re in so that they can get laid. And they end up hurting each other because it was all based on lies to begin with. If that’s what you want, then go and find yourself a pretty little girl and get married. '
- Queer As Folk

;O

If there's any truth to it no wonder the human populations are fucked.

Self Stature.

2011-01-22T19:25:00.000-08:00

To be happy, it first takes being comfortable being in your own shoes. The rest can work up from there. The hardest situation to stay happy, I think, is when you’re trying to find love, and yourself at the same time. It just doesn’t seem to fit well. So I believe that happiness is being able to wake up and just know that this is what you wanted, and not what somebody else wanted.

-Sophia Bush

Pangs.

2011-01-16T02:45:00.000-08:00

I could write novels about pain. Not the kind of pain you get when you break your arm, but the kind that makes your broken heart go into your throat, so that it takes all of your energy and concentration to breathe. The kind of pain that makes you want to scream & sob at the same time. The kind of pain that makes you want to hurt everyone around you because you’re suffering & they’re not, because they can breathe without feeling guilty & hold a normal conversation without breaking down into fits of tears or rage. A pain that bites it’s tongue and nods acceptably when asked if okay.

Thy Naked Heart.

2011-01-08T23:43:00.000-08:00

How can anyone be afraid of love?

How can they not?

When you love someone... truly love them, friend or lover,
you lay yr heart open to them.
You give them a part of yrself that you give to no one else,
and you let them inside a part of you that only they can hurt you
literally hand them the razor with a map of where to cut deepest
and most painfully on yr heart and soul.

And when they do strike, it's crippling-like having yr heart carved out.
It leaves you naked and exposed, wondering what did you make them
want to hurt you so badly when all you did was love them.

What's so wrong with you that no one can keep faith with you?
That no one can love you?

To have it happen once is bad enough... but to have it repeated?
Who in their right mind would not be terrified of that?

- Devil May Cry : Sherrilyn Kenyon's Dark

Escapism.

2011-01-05T07:13:00.000-08:00

Social Studies: Life is Hard and You Will Die, Get Over It

The reason why this will lead to depression, where it may not have done so for an equivalent person 200 years ago, is because you were raised on illogical stories where things always work out for the main character for utterly arbitrary reasons. Han Solo can shoot straight, but none of the bad guys can--even though they train more. If a guy and a girl are right for each other, they always wind up together, careers and geography and personal hang-ups be damned.

Here's the problem: these fantasies were created by adults, as a means of escape from the real world. You, however, have been watching them since you were five--for most of us these were our first impressions of how the adult world works, even if on a subconscious level. You had no context to realize they were bullshit. It sounds frivolous, but that doesn't change the fact that some of you reading this will not survive the long process of learning how different the real world is.

Essentials.

2010-12-29T14:46:00.000-08:00

The Occasional Forevers.

2010-12-26T17:42:00.000-08:00

Stolen this impeccably written passage from 52hearts...

' Sometimes I think I must have been crazy to think you would have stayed with me just because you said you would, but I’ve come to realize that when there isn’t always enough fuel to keep a fire going, when there isn’t a reason to keep your word. But it isn’t completely your fault — it never really was, because it was one of those it-takes-two-to-tango kind of things, and I guess at some point, it was bound to happen. But even when you see the sting coming, you never really see it until it’s a millimeter away from your heart.

But this reminds me of someone once told me that men usually only kept their words at the moment, based on that fire that lead them there, based on the soft flame you ignited in their heart, and that they never think that much of the future.. but a part of me thinks that maybe these are all human beings, men and women, regardless of who the more emotional creature is — you could always feel, or even think and tell someone you’ll want to be with them forever, but that isn’t always the case, but it doesn’t mean it wasn’t the truth at some point, that you didn’t feel it in your heart, body and mind. You did. But it didn’t last — and a lot of feelings usually don’t — just like this feeling I had a year ago of me wanting those memories of you to just fade away. I eventually changed my mind into keeping at least the good ones, if only to remember you did make me happy, once upon a short time ago. '

For everyone who has ever had a fallout. Mucho love. x

March Of The Underdogs.

2010-12-19T07:53:00.000-08:00

' You have to get hurt. That’s how you learn. The strongest people out there, the ones who laugh the hardest with a genuine smile, those are the people who have fought the toughest battles. Because they’ve decided that they’re not going to let anything hold them down, they’re showing the world whose boss.'

Lovin' the girl power feel to ze quote.

Dignity?

2010-12-14T19:00:00.000-08:00

...and sometimes it's one of those hardest decision to make.

p.s. loving this for being both my favourite male and female characters on Gossip Girl!

The Home That Holds My Heart.

2010-12-02T12:14:00.000-08:00

They say home is not a place, it's a person. But what they fail to realize that home isn't human, nor is it tangible. Rather, it's a part of us. It's evry place and evry person and evrything that we've touched and that has touched us. Buildings crumble and people leave but we can always return to our memories.

Home's among the company of friends for keepers. The songs of I listen to over and over again to feed my lyrical soul. It's the sound of trigger happy cameras. The feeling of contentment when genuine smiles are planted on people I love. The warm embrace of my favorite boy. The scent of fresh skin out of shower. The smell of greens after a drizzle or storm. The pour-yr-heart-out banters over beer or coffee. The nostalgia you get upon a flashback of a certain memory.

You know how evryone says that home's where the heart is?

Well, they've got it backwards. My heart is where my home is.

So where's your home?

Memories For Keepers.

2010-11-21T21:52:00.000-08:00

It’s amazing how feelings can seep back into your heart so easily. A mere mention of a certain someone’s name, an accidental touch, a glance back, a middle of the night message just to say hello. It all floods back and it never takes much. Some people just have this affect on you, this power over you, I guess — but what we forget is that we’re the ones who give it them. And we forget that we could take it back if we really wanted to.. but the problem is we never want to.

Forget Me Nots.

2010-11-16T15:21:00.000-08:00

' You want the truth? Well, here it is. Eventually, you forget it all. First you forget everything you learned – the dates of wars and the Pythagorean Theorem. You especially forget everything you didn’t really learn, but just memorized the night before. You forget the names of all but one or two of your favorite teachers, and eventually you forget those, too. You forget your junior year class schedule and where you used to sit and your best friend’s home phone number and the lyrics to that song you must have played a million times. And eventually, but slowly, you forget your humiliations – even the ones that seemed indelible, just fade away. You forget who was cool and who was not, who was pretty, smart, athletic, and not. Who went to a good college. Who threw the best parties. Who had the most friends. You forget all of them. Even the ones you said you loved, and the ones you actually did. They’re the last to go. And then once you’ve forgotten enough, you love someone else. '

The Hello Goodbyes.

2010-11-12T17:16:00.000-08:00

Whatever relationships you have attracted in your life at this moment, are precisely the ones you need in your life at this moment. There is a hidden meaning behind all events, and this hidden meaning is serving your own evolution.

-Deepak Chopra

Survival Instincts.

2010-11-11T09:44:00.000-08:00

Life sucks - in a good way. Falling in love, falling in hate, getting laid, getting hurt - what’s one without the other? When it comes to the ritual of growing up, sometimes you smile because you’re happy. Other times, you smile just because you’ve survived. But hey, a smile is a smile.

Donald, Happy Campers

The Child At Heart.

2010-11-06T05:08:00.000-07:00

The other day my sister told me she didn't believe in love. Something expected from a girl who has been left to carry the weight of the world on her shoulders alone, who is certain that she would sleep into bed with no one to sleep beside her. A girl who's heart never fully heals before it's mangled and broken again.

I sat there surprised, sad almost because she is none of those following things. She is a pre-teen girl who sometimes follows a path that is crooked - yet still,she has never let anyone hold her heart long enough to be let down or know what it feels like to have acid living in your chest.

The scars she keeps are nothing more than tiny traces caused by minuscule bumps in the road - they are soft, pink and pale. Not like the scars some of us are forced to carry inside out clenched fist : red and raw, if we touch something too hard for too long, they sting.

You're young, that's when you're supposed to believe in love the most, I remember thinking. That's how it is for most of us, or at least for me.

We become obsessed with the characters played on the large screens, envious, because we want to be loved - we wanted every piece of ourselves to be desired. And Imma not talking in the morning-after-sex hair or wet inner thighs kind of way.

We wanted someone to memorize the lines in our palms, to notice the tiny beauty marks that scatter across our skin, to tell us how many eyelashes we have because we never bothered to count, to notice the little whimsy details about ourselves.

Then we get older and realize how flawed love can be. We are either too much, or not enough, we give everything, but there's nothing for us to take in return. We become broken pillows soaked in salt water. We talk to walls because you're not there to listen anymore. We eventually get bitter after several failed attempts of taking the plunge to eternal happiness.

We rub the sleep from our eyes and see reality for the first time, we come to the conclusion that nobody really stays together anymore.

Somehow I feel like maybe I never grew up, because I can still feel it there. Love at times impossible, does wonderful things, even if some of us never get the chance to experience it, for a fleeting moment if we stood still long enough, we can feel it in us. When I dream, I see stars. I can feel them, brush over them with my fingertips and sometimes they even get stuck in the dark tangles of my hair. But when I wake up, I can still feel their glow in my veins, that maybe the sparks of the light exist inside of me and that I had it all along. The quicken heartbeats and all that jazz.

I don't know, I think regardless of whether one believes in love or not, we still have that glimmer of living inside of us at the private dark lit corners of our hearts - proof that is is concrete, even if only briefly, even if we don't always see it or believe it is there.

We always hope.

Maybe that means that most of us never really grow up at all, that maybe we just pretend to.

I'm Just Not That Into You.

2010-10-28T10:09:00.000-07:00

wicked compilation.

Linger.

2010-10-17T09:33:00.000-07:00

"And so, while the rest of the world went on unaware, drinking their coffee, reading the sports page, and picking up their dry cleaning, I leaned forward and kissed him, making a choice that would change everything. Maybe somewhere there was a ripple, a bit of a jump, some small shift in the universe, barely noticeable. I didn’t feel it then. I felt only him kissing me back, easing into the sunlight as I lost myself in the taste of him and felt the world go on, just as it always had, all around us."

Mmm. ;9

Crash & Fall, Love It All.

2010-10-16T00:26:00.000-07:00

' her eyes were red from the oceans that flowed through and out of her body, so much that she couldn’t see a thing, temporarily blinded from loving too much with a heart so big, so heavy, so willing to spill out the everything it feels. the repurcussions never stopped her because it’s the only way she knew how to live and to speak and to sing and to be and so she refused to let it harden her, even if the oceans got to her, because she never wanted to be one of those people who used it as an excuse to walk away, sail away, to a far off place because those people become lonelier surrounded by only themselves and the sea. and she, she would rather be lonely in the midst of the people she loved waiting, hoping for a chance that staying this close will be worth it—that in the end, it would be worth it. '

The Brain & The Heart.

2010-10-12T11:44:00.000-07:00

Cho cute!

The Weight On Your Shoulder.

2010-10-09T08:44:00.000-07:00

"If you are brave enough to leave behind everything familiar and comforting, which can be anything from your house to your bitter old resentments, and set out on a truth-seeking journey either externally or internally, and if you are truly willing to regard everything that happens to you on that journey as a clue, and if you accept everyone you meet along the way as a teacher, and if you are prepared – most of all – to face and forgive some very difficult realities about yourself, then truth will not be withheld from you.”
- Eat. Pray. Love.

In Her Eyes.

2010-10-06T06:21:00.000-07:00

Emotions, such a funny thing.

I Won't.

2010-09-24T04:11:00.000-07:00

I won't compose prose every morning you open your eyes next to me (I won't compare you to a summer's day).

I won't kiss the tears from your cheeks whenever you cry.

I won't remember every appointment.

I won't keep the sheen on my armour.

I won't know what to say sometimes.

I won't get your order right.

I'll be late.

I'll fuck-up.

But I'll write something for you when you least expect it (in summer or winter).

But I'll hold you as tight as I can whenever I can.

But I'll burst through the door as soon as I remember.

But I'll polish it until it shines again.

But I'll say something anyway.

But I'll go back and make it right.

But I'll get there.

But I'll try.

When Opposites Don't Attract.

2010-09-21T00:02:00.000-07:00

' When you care about someone, you won’t care about the complications involved — you will still stick around no matter what. the problem with that is sometimes the other person thinks exactly the same in the opposite direction in that if it gets too complicated, you’re better off without it — they care enough to let it go, to not make it a burden. you care enough to keep it going, knowing it’s worth the pain.

Now if we only all thought the same way. but we almost never do. '

-100 stories

Heads Or Tails.

2010-09-18T15:06:00.000-07:00

Stripped.

2010-09-15T02:39:00.000-07:00

' When you're face down at the very bottom of who you are, and there is no formality or pretence to cling to, all your masks fall off. In this broken place, our lives can be seen for what they are, no more no less; we are ourselves. '

- Jon Foreman, Switchfoot

Me Against The World.

2010-09-12T03:36:00.000-07:00

We are more interested in making others believe we are happy than trying to be happy ourselves.

- Francois de la Rouchefoucauld

Perhaps that's the problem.

Self-Conclusion.

2010-09-05T00:51:00.000-07:00

“All your life people are going to try to tell you who you are. And sometimes it’s going to be tempting to believe them. But you must remember that you are who you feel in your heart and your head and down to your toes. You are who you feel deep down in your soul and radiating out your skin, and no one’s opinion (except maybe your own) can change that.”

Booyah. B)

One Of The Boys.

2010-08-29T23:39:00.000-07:00

' She was basketball shorts, no make up and pulled back hair. She was far from girly and yet she still got all the boys to stare. But that’s all she really wanted — to be just like one of the boys so that she could get the attention from all the boys and in most cases, it worked like a charm. Her tough exterior and anything-you-can-do-I-can-do-better attitude was what got her by, but it would only take her so far before people got to see the real her. The emotional, dramatic, heart-on-her-sleeve, sensitive girl that she’ll never admit to being inside. '

-52 hearts

Kinda reminds of someone I know, what about you?

Fighter's Spirit.

2010-08-27T20:07:00.000-07:00

There’re lots of things out there. Fakes, doubters, liars, prophets, dreamers, lovers, fighters, believers… Everyone fits into a category. No matter what we may say, we all hate at least one person. No matter how we choose to feel, we will always love that one person who doesn’t love us back. Regardless of supposed ignorance, we all know the truth. It’s this game of life. It’s this mystery. Now, I don’t know how to solve it. But by God, even if I have to battle a fucking komodo dragon, I will get out alive.

-This One Life

Au Revoir.

2010-08-26T22:47:00.000-07:00

“After a while you learn  the subtle difference between  holding a hand and chaining a soul  and you learn  that love doesn’t mean leaning  and company doesn’t always mean security.

 And you begin to learn  that kisses aren’t contracts  and presents aren’t promises  and you begin to accept your defeats  with your head up and your eyes ahead with the grace of woman,  not the grief of a child  and you learn  to build all your roads on today  because tomorrow’s ground is  too uncertain for plans  and futures have a way of falling down  in mid-flight.  

After a while you learn  that even sunshine burns  if you get too much  so you plant your own garden  and decorate your own soul  instead of waiting for someone  to bring you flowers.

 And you learn that you really can endure  you really are strong  you really do have worth  and you learn  and you learn  with every goodbye, you learn…”

—Veronica A. Shoffstall

Landscapes.

2010-08-20T00:10:00.000-07:00

" Sometimes we fall in love with the wrong people.
There is nothing to be done about that.

The heart loves. That's what it does.

But just because you love someone doesn't mean you have to put up with their shit.

Sometimes love is like a city skyline - best viewed from a distance. "

Falling Out.

2010-08-16T22:01:00.000-07:00

Broken Dark Chocolate.

2010-08-13T03:12:00.000-07:00

— ' Your heart broke as hers broke with every single word she spoke through every typed line she wrote for anyone who would listen, even though you know she mostly did it for herself. She needed to get it out there, she needed for someone to know — it was too hard to keep to herself when it always felt like she was about to explode with emotional distraught. You knew exactly what she was going through — anyone who’s been hurt would, and the only thing you wanted to do was take it away, but you knew you couldn’t. Only she could. '

Faint Nostalgia.

2010-08-10T07:39:00.000-07:00

Honestly, I’m having trouble remembering what she looks like. The more I try to picture her, the more I can’t. Like, I remember how she makes me feel, I just don’t completely remember her. It’s like I’m trying to preserve something that’s already gone.

— How I Met Your Mother

Rise and Rise Again, Until Lambs Become Lions.

2010-07-19T09:23:00.000-07:00

Best shit outta the movie...

“When we were five, they asked us what we wanted to be when we grew up. Our things were answers like astronaut, president, or in my case, princess. When we were ten, they asked us again. We answered - rock star, cowboy, or in my case, gold medalist. But now that we’ve grown up, they want a more serious answer.

Well, how about this…
Who the hell knows?

This isn’t a time to make hard and fast decisions. This is the time to make mistakes. Take the wrong train and get stuck somewhere chill. Fall in love - a lot. Major in philosophy because there’s no way to make a career out of that. Change your mind. Then change it again because nothing is permanent.

So make as many mistakes as you can.
That way, someday, when they ask again what we want to be…
We won’t have to guess. We’ll know.”

-Eclipse.

Mad loving the inspiring graduation speech!

Dancing With Reminiscence.

2010-07-16T05:47:00.000-07:00

— In tribute to me bonding sesh with K...

" You gradually get over the pain. It doesn’t go away, not for a long time, but it becomes easier to live with. One morning you wake up and he’s not the first thing on your mind. And then a few months down the line you realize you’ve made it through half the day without thinking of him. Sometimes it takes months, sometimes, years, but eventually you reach a point when you only think about them occassionally. You manage to do this because you don’t see them, you don’t hear about them, you try not to think about them. And then you bump into them walking down the street, or someone unexpected mentions their name … and the memories come flooding back. But memories also become less painful in time, and I can talk about [him] now without really feeling anything.”

Straight Talking - Jane Green

Commotions.

2010-07-11T17:54:00.000-07:00

She is the sex!

' Many women equate drama with passion. A relationship filled with drama is usually exciting because you never know what could happen – good or bad. That kind of excitement can be destructive and is ultimately unsustainable. A drama-free relationship isn’t one that’s necessarily without love or passion; it’s one that’s mature enough to not need the emotional roller coaster. '

dammmn right.

Pride.

2010-07-09T07:41:00.000-07:00

Rekindling Flames.

2010-07-07T10:45:00.000-07:00

' Amidst the over-affectionate couples and over-ecstatic groups of giddy girls, we stood there calm but overly-excited with the small of my back grazing the small of your front swaying back and forth while our favorite band belted out our favorite songs.

Although we barely touched, you could still feel the little muscles underneath our rib cages beat simultaneously to the sound of the drums in the background. Our lips moved to every lyric, every phrase as if we were the ones who had written them ourselves, as if the singer was speaking directly to us and only us, as if this was just another scene to our never-ending movie where all the songs we’ve ever loved play in one moment and it’s just too much to take. Because that’s what it felt like.

My eyes brimmed with tears as I mouthed along to each word that seemed to be in sync with my current heart and my former heart and what will always be in my heart, but I refused to let you see. Even though I know better to refrain than to let my thoughts dance with hope over the idea of being something more than we are, more like what used to be — I still can’t help but allow the melodies to drift into my ear and for the memories to flood back in overflow. I guess this is how it will always be with you, anytime I’m with you, anytime you sit inside my mind.

But beyond it all, we always have some secret understanding when it comes to nights alone like this in knowing that it’s only ever a game of pretend, reminiscent of the comfort and burning love we once had that was so hot we burned out hands, but now act like it was something we never really knew. So we never learn to stop playing with that fire again and again even though everyone else has told us to do different. We just don’t listen. It appears the only thing we can hear are the chords that still strum softly, almost quietly, the ones that hide inside our still connected hearts. '

-52 Hearts

Absolutely exquisite!

Dazed.

2010-07-05T11:17:00.000-07:00

“Sometimes we love people so much that we have to be numb to it. Because if we actually felt how much we love them, it would kill us. That doesn’t make you a bad person. It just means your heart’s too big.”

-Riding in Cars With Boys

Awww!

A Different Perspective.

2010-07-04T03:43:00.000-07:00

In response to C's remark...

“You can ask the universe for all the signs you want, but ultimately, we see what we want to see when we’re ready to see it.”

How I Met Your Mother

“It’s always hard for me to distinguish between denial and what used to be known as hope.”

Michael Chabon, Wonder Boys

Longevity.

2010-07-03T12:17:00.000-07:00

Fabrications.

2010-07-02T15:55:00.000-07:00

“You can close your eyes to things you don’t want to see, but you can’t close your heart to things you don’t want to feel.”

Chasing Chivalry.

2010-06-30T11:42:00.000-07:00

" Be more concerned with your character than your reputation,

because your character is what you really are,

while your reputation is merely what others think you are. "

John Wooden

People forget sometimes while busy chasing something relatively irrelevant.

Never Say Never.

2010-06-29T08:33:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite movies and my favorite scene! ;3

We sat in front of my house in your car trying to keep warm from the brisk cold winter air. I held your cheek in the palm of my hand and rubbed my thumb against the scruff I yearned to have against my own cheek and you sat there looking at me with eyes that said Don’t let me go, don’t let us go, but I couldn’t seem to hear you, or didn’t want to or it in the same gentle manner I held your face. Maybe that was my way of saying I have to, it’s for the best like I was a child who was for the first time trying to understand that things can’t always go my way. And so I held back, my tears, my heart, my bitter remarks — but my insides always trembled in quiet disagreement.

Now all I have are these fading memories and I can’t wait for them to be all gone.

2010-06-28T12:04:00.000-07:00

'Maybe you can afford to wait. Maybe for you there’s a tomorrow. Maybe for you there’s one thousand tomorrows, or three thousand, or ten, so much time you can bathe in it, roll around it, let it slide like coins through you fingers. So much time you can waste it. But for some of us there’s only today.

And the truth is, you never really know.'

- Before I Fall, Lauren Oliver

If that's the case... oh crap. ;x

Move Along.

2010-06-27T01:59:00.000-07:00

I’ve had to say good-bye more times than I may have like, but everyone can say that. And no matter how many times we have to do it - even if it’s for the greater good, it still stings. And although we will never forget what we’ve given up, we owe it to ourselves to keep moving forward. What we can’t do is live our lives afraid of the next good-bye because chances are they are not going to stop. The trick is to recognize when a good-bye can be a good thing - when it’s a chance to start again.

— Betty (Ugly Betty)

If Only.

2010-06-25T02:26:00.000-07:00

' She prefers to deny it, but he’ll always have eyes for her and her only — and it’s evident to everyone else that’s she’s irreplaceable. She’s the one even if she doesn’t want to be the one, but you think she secretly does.. and is just waiting for the moment, for the change, for him to finally grow up and realize the things he needs to do for them to have their happy ending, and for him to know he needs to do them now, now, now before it’s too late — before she gives up and finds her replacement for him. '

A Slice of Heaven.

2010-06-23T06:03:00.000-07:00

' Love is like that last slice of pecan pie you ate and "regretted." You didn't really regret it. That slice might have added a pound. or upset your stomach. But at no point are you ever sincerely angry or disappointed at enjoying such a wedge. Of course, pie doesn't make you feel like a dandelion puff floating along with the wind.

Love does. '

Cute!

Bait.

2010-06-20T06:07:00.000-07:00

I throw out my heart on a line but I always find that I’m not catching anything, or that nothing’s biting the way I like to be bitten or just nibbled on. It’s not the usual bait I use — like when I was younger, it was all candy and cupcakes or coloring books and crayons and when I got older, it was all subtle sexuality and acting coy, secret admirer letters, and quiet yearning for more, but the reality is that never gets them hooked the way you want them to be hooked on you, the you behind all of that, the heart of the matter, the amount of love you have to give. I guess in the end all I could really do is just keep waiting and hoping that one day the right one will come along and I’ll never have to go fishing ever again. x

Odd.

2010-06-19T12:55:00.000-07:00

“When you look closely, people are so strange and so complicated that they’re actually beautiful.”

Angela Chase, My So-Called Life

Sugar coated.

2010-06-17T04:51:00.000-07:00

“It’s like, we’re telling everyone different little truths about what we want. Telling this person that, and telling another something else. Spilling out only part of our hearts and souls to our best friends. We never seem to be able to tell the whole big picture. So we go about telling all these little truths, hoping that no one will put two and two together.. But when we put all of our little truths together, we all seem to be in for a surprise.”

Merely Fate.

2010-06-14T01:50:00.001-07:00

"Destiny is for losers. It’s just a stupid excuse to wait for things to happen instead of making them happen. "

Blair Waldorf, Gossip Girl

' All I Know Is That I Should. '

2010-06-07T00:03:00.000-07:00

" It’s hard when we live in a world of opposites where no means yes and yes sometimes means maybe and suddenly all communication is lost because we don’t want to say what we really want to say because we’re afraid, too afraid of the hurt, the pain, the damage it may cause, and we leave when most of the time we want so badly to stay.

Stay, convince me i should stay, don’t just let me walk away.

...but we always do because the words somehow seem to get stuck in our throats and we choke on the idea that all we want is about to disappear and we choke on the tears we feel like we need to hold back in times like these, where we choose to do the opposite of what we want to...

in order to what’s best for you,

what’s best for them,

what’s best for both of us in the end.

...which it often leaves us with what-if’s, i-wish-i-said’s, if-only’s and other regrets to live with and carry in the pockets of our heavy hearts. and there’s always a should-i-have, could-i-have, would-i-have in the back of our minds that we could never go back and do...

...and it makes me wish that we knew better now than later to say what we meant, than to pretend we felt differently just because we were too scared to wear these hearts on our sleeves, even know i know living that way is a dangerous life to lead...

-sometimes i think it would make us a lot happier than anyone would believe. "

Rawr.

2010-06-05T23:50:00.000-07:00

Closing Chapters.

2010-06-02T00:54:00.000-07:00

Dedicated to the Austin Chase lover, I hope this pick-me-up helps!

"oftentimes we search for closure in the wrong places, but once in awhile we find it right where we weren’t looking — mostly because it wasn’t the kind we were looking for, it wasn’t the kind we wanted, it wasn’t the kind that would leave us satisfied in a way closure is supposed to leave us satisfied. because it goes against all you’ve ever believed and all the effort you made and it makes you feel like it wasn’t worth it at all. and we always want to feel like at the very least we did all we could to make it worth it, but that’s not always the case and when that happens, regrets add up and you start to feel like nothing will ever make up for every chapter that goes unfinished except maybe keeping the idea in your head of what could have been .. instead of just writing it off as the end even though that’s really what it is but you’ll never want to admit it because there’s still going to be a little part of us that wants to leave some of those doors cracked open for re-openings and comebacks with hope that things might finally change or finally go your way. but most of the time they never do and this is how we come up with the closure we’re never given — by having to give it to ourselves even though that’s the last thing we ever wanted to do because all along, we’ve just been secretly waiting, waiting too long for something that may never come, from someone who’s been long gone, both in distance and in time. there will come a point where we can’t wait anymore. and for that i’m still waiting, because i want nothing more than to write this ending and to finally write him off of my skin, out of my mind and out of my heart. "

-derived from 52 hearts

Uttered Silence.

2010-06-01T03:07:00.000-07:00

You always caught me off guard like that, with that goofy smile and those sweet sad eyes. Every now and then when I close my eyes that soft wind of every other season still whispers reminders into my skin which makes me only long for yours to be around again and again - and having that would be guaranteed heartache blown back into my face. but it appears it’s a force I can’t protect myself from because every time I get caught in this spinning calm, I just can’t help but still keep being swept away by all that you are. And some days I don’t know how my heart survived you because it was always so close to the edge fighting the ultimate fall. Somehow though, I made it without that happening bearing in mind that you're much more satisfied in someone elses attentiveness. It’s one of those things I’m afraid of saying out loud because saying it out loud means admitting it and admitting means it’s true and if it’s true, then that means too many other things that are just too hard to deal with. And it’s one of those things where everyone else you know knows it, but nobody’s talking about it. Yet I cannot resist the opportunity to hide myself behind lines because I am so ashamed of the truth, what more to set it on white paper.

-inspired by 52 hearts

Get Entangled.

2010-05-31T11:34:00.000-07:00

' You know, I'm a believer that the heart wants what the heart wants. If love were cut and dry, governed by immutable rules of conduct, then it wouldn't be the complicated mess it is. And oh, it's complicated. Finding that one person you click with, and want to grow old and fat with is a valuable thing, so it shouldn't be easy. But so long as you can accept responsibility for your actions, go forth and do what you need to do. '

Soar Above.

2010-05-29T15:18:00.000-07:00

Sometimes you've just got to close your eyes, hold on tight and believe.

Dating Strategies.

2010-05-28T06:03:00.000-07:00

What do you think ladies and gents?

Is it true?

Instincts.

2010-05-27T11:49:00.000-07:00

"What do you want? You know the answer. We always know the answer.

It's just that the answer can be a faint, meek little voice.

Drown out every other doubt, fear, or loudmouth rationale and just... listen.

Do what that voice tells you to do."

The Border Between You and Me.

2010-05-25T02:38:00.000-07:00

The longer you play, the more fences you build.

though I know every trick, I play from the heart.

And still, I never win.

Sing to me, babeh.

2010-05-24T07:30:00.000-07:00

The Only Exception.

2010-05-23T07:24:00.000-07:00

Every girl has that one boy in her life, who could call her at three in the morning and say, “Let’s hang out. I’m coming to get you.” and she would put aside everything she was doing, her excitement, her anger or her momentary hate for him. And she would proceed to give him only four words, “give me ten minutes.”

Dedicated to S.

Road Signs.

2010-05-22T22:27:00.000-07:00

Skeletons In The Closet.

2010-05-21T09:22:00.000-07:00

' I never liked someone from this common circle before. '

Everyone took a gulp at their leftovers.

I glance around and watch these bunch of mates,

be it present or absent from the night,

each with their own little undisclosed personal secret,

kept concealed from one another,

only to be brought back in memory when they are lost in their own cluttered thoughts.

I couldn't help but be overwhelmed with a sense of pity,

had they voiced their fears and doubts of each other...

or perhaps had they held on a little longer...

or simply had they stop running away from their hurdles and face it instead...

they would have all gotten their well-deserved shot at happiness.

Funny how if everyone were to spoke the truth from the depth of their hearts,

reality would be much different picture today.

So which is it?

The truth is best kept secret when the secret will cause you pain?

Or rather, the truth sets you free?

Eradicate.

2010-05-20T02:58:00.000-07:00

delete.

if only we had such buttons in life.

Love's Loopy Logic.

2010-05-19T07:34:00.000-07:00

To drown his sorrows, with a bottle of whiskey.
He pulled away from Serena and took a step closer to the door,
but before he got a chance to make his getaway to the limo Serena called him back.

“Chuck why don't you just tell her?”

He rolled his eyes back. He didn't want to discuss Blair anymore he had explained why.
But it made no difference to him to say it again.

“Because when you love something you should set it free.”

He responded while Serena held onto his hand like any good sister would.

But at the end of the day Blair was always described as the the insecure one,
but as it happens Chuck was more insecure than anyone would ever have guessed.

He was sexy, popular and insecure. That is exactly what Blair was.

They were perfect. If only Chuck could realise that he did make Blair happy,
happier than she could ever be with any other man.

Monster Burger.

2010-05-16T23:33:00.001-07:00

I want! Who wants to come with me? Gagagagaga.

Time After Time.

2010-05-13T01:07:00.000-07:00

"We all deserve a second chance to find the love we crave,
we all warrant another go at our happy ending,
one final attempt to turn our life into something
from one of those songs you loved so much."
-Tony Parsons

Remember.

2010-05-07T08:17:00.000-07:00

' What happened to us? What happened to the boy and girl who were so in love? '

'I don't know what happened.

Time, I guess. Just time. '

' Don't you ever wish that it could be like that again?

That innocent? That straightforward? '

' Now and then. , ' I said.

Must've been nice to be naïve enough to believe in a feeling that was made to fade,

it must've been nice.

Happy Pills.

2010-05-04T22:26:00.001-07:00

I pray that you're happy.

Even if it's not with me.

Differentiate yourself.

2010-05-01T03:55:00.000-07:00

"Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to made a victim.

Accept no one’s definition of your life; define yourself."

— - Harvey Fierstein

Make Out!

2010-04-30T08:34:00.000-07:00

The Used.

2010-04-27T06:09:00.000-07:00

Maybe it's just this side of the pendulum,

where I am tired of loving people.

Or maybe it's just me, now

where people i love are not worth tiring over.

Perhaps, this is the reality

i fell from and now must rebuild,

the one we will all come across

when we have nothing left to be used.

Just maybe, perhaps,

you have no use for me

Just maybe, perhaps,

I have no use for you.

Hold On.

2010-04-21T02:07:00.000-07:00

Fate Vs. Faith.

2010-04-19T06:42:00.000-07:00

Right?

Gone with THe Wind.

2010-04-18T08:46:00.000-07:00

AWWW.