Time

changes so quickly.

Just when you get used to something,
Zap!
It changes.

Just when you begin to understand someone,
Zap!
They grow up.

Our days are measured in hours,
our pay measured by those hours,
our knowledge is measured by years.

Our life is made up of time.

We spend our school life either slacking all day,
rambling on nonsensical gossips and silly adolescent puppy loves,
or burying our heads in moutain-like piles of books,
just to score well for our upcoming exams.

While working,
we grab a few minutes in our busy day to have a coffee break,
we rush back to our desks,
we watch the clock,
we live by appointments.

Everything is spinning around us
- school, jobs, family, friends, lovers...
you just feel like screaming 'STOP!',
look around, rearranging the order of a few things
and then continuing on.

Yet time eventually runs out and you can't help but wonder
if those seconds, minutes, hours, days,
weeks, months, years and decades
were being spent the best way they possibly could.

When Rainbow Ends by Cecelia Ahern

QUOTE:

"He's the luckiest man in the world to have you,
but he doesn't deserve you and you deserve far better.

You deserve someone who loves you
with every single beat of his heart,
someone who thinks about you constantly,
someone who spends every minute of the day
just wondering what you're doing, where you are,
who you're with and if you're OK.

You need someone who can help you reach your dreams
and who can protect you from your fears.
You need someone who will treat you with respect,
love every part of you,
especially your flaws.

You should be with someone be with someone who can make you happy, really happy, dancing -on-air happy.

Someone who should have taken the chance to be with you years ago instead of becoming scared and being too afraid to try."

Wow, is there really such a thing out there anymore?

Trust.

It's hard.

What happens when the people that matters most in your life let you fall flat solid on the ground?
What happens when they were not there when you needed them the most?
What happens when you trusted them so much only to be let down?

No one to depend on.
No one to trust.
No one to say 'It's Alright'.
No one to lend a shoulder to cry on.

In these moments, you really doubt whether there's people out there
who truly appreciate your existance,
who are happy with who you are,
who you really could actually trust.

I guess it's easier not to expect so much from someone, then to have a huge dissapointment at the end. ;(
I will not make that mistake again.

Yes, I do admit I have trust issues.
No, I wasn't born that way.

I wasn't born with a wall around my heart.
It's people who I trusted the most that made me loose faith in trust.

Again and again I wanted to proof that I was wrong,
that they were dependable,
that they will be there.

Yet again and again
they seem to proove me right.;(

It hurts.
To trust and believe someone so much,
only to be shattered to a million pieces.

Eventually, you're finally tired of lying to yourself.

Reality hits.

Wasted tears I've spent crying on sleepless nights.
Wasted hopes on people I once thought who would care.
Wasted time I spent thinking of illogical explanations on why they would abandon me.

Sure, sometimes I do have a glinter of hope that people will proof me wrong.
Yet days goes by, it seems to fade, perhaps even non-existant anymore.

At the end of it all, I guess, it's just me, myself and I. ;/

Lessons were learnt.
No one said it would be easy.

I have learnt to be tough.
I have learnt to stay strong.
I have learnt to stand alone.
I have learnt to be independent.

Still it hurts, badly. ;'(

Trust,
it's hard.

Then again, maybe it's just me.