Chasing Chivalry.

" Be more concerned with your character than your reputation,

because your character is what you really are, 

while your reputation is merely what others think you are. "

John Wooden 

People forget sometimes while busy chasing something relatively irrelevant.

Never Say Never.

One of my favorite movies and my favorite scene! ;3

We sat in front of my house in your car trying to keep warm from the brisk cold winter air. I held your cheek in the palm of my hand and rubbed my thumb against the scruff I yearned to have against my own cheek and you sat there looking at me with eyes that said Don’t let me go, don’t let us go, but I couldn’t seem to hear you, or didn’t want to or it in the same gentle manner I held your face. Maybe that was my way of saying I have to, it’s for the best like I was a child who was for the first time trying to understand that things can’t always go my way. And so I held back, my tears, my heart, my bitter remarks —  but my insides always trembled in quiet disagreement.

Now all I have are these fading memories and I can’t wait for them to be all gone.

'Maybe you can afford to wait. Maybe for you there’s a tomorrow. Maybe for you there’s one thousand tomorrows, or three thousand, or ten, so much time you can bathe in it, roll around it, let it slide like coins through you fingers. So much time you can waste it. But for some of us there’s only today.

 And the truth is, you never really know.'

- Before I Fall, Lauren Oliver

If that's the case... oh crap. ;x

Move Along.

I’ve had to say good-bye more times than I may have like, but everyone can say that. And no matter how many times we have to do it - even if it’s for the greater good, it still stings. And although we will never forget what we’ve given up, we owe it to ourselves to keep moving forward. What we can’t do is live our lives afraid of the next good-bye because chances are they are not going to stop. The trick is to recognize when a good-bye can be a good thing - when it’s a chance to start again.

— Betty (Ugly Betty)

If Only.

' She prefers to deny it, but he’ll always have eyes for her and her only — and it’s evident to everyone else that’s she’s irreplaceable. She’s the one even if she doesn’t want to be the one, but you think she secretly does.. and is just waiting for the moment, for the change, for him to finally grow up and realize the things he needs to do for them to have their happy ending, and for him to know he needs to do them now, now, now before it’s too late — before she gives up and finds her replacement for him. ' 

A Slice of Heaven.

' Love is like that last slice of pecan pie you ate and "regretted." You didn't really regret it. That slice might have added a pound. or upset your stomach. But at no point are you ever sincerely angry or disappointed at enjoying such a wedge. Of course, pie doesn't make you feel like a dandelion puff floating along with the wind.

Love does. '

Cute!

Bait.

I throw out my heart on a line but I always find that I’m not catching anything, or that nothing’s biting the way I like to be bitten or just nibbled on. It’s not the usual bait I use — like when I was younger, it was all candy and cupcakes or coloring books and crayons and when I got older, it was all subtle sexuality and acting coy, secret admirer letters, and quiet yearning for more, but the reality is that never gets them hooked the way you want them to be hooked on you, the you behind all of that, the heart of the matter, the amount of love you have to give. I guess in the end all I could really do is just keep waiting and hoping that one day the right one will come along and I’ll never have to go fishing ever again. x

Odd.

“When you look closely, people are so strange and so complicated that they’re actually beautiful.”

Angela Chase, My So-Called Life

Sugar coated.

“It’s like, we’re telling everyone different little truths about what we want. Telling this person that, and telling another something else. Spilling out only part of our hearts and souls to our best friends. We never seem to be able to tell the whole big picture. So we go about telling all these little truths, hoping that no one will put two and two together.. But when we put all of our little truths together, we all seem to be in for a surprise.”

Merely Fate.

"Destiny is for losers. It’s just a stupid excuse to wait for things to happen instead of making them happen. "

Blair Waldorf, Gossip Girl

' All I Know Is That I Should. '

" It’s hard when we live in a world of opposites where no means yes and yes sometimes means maybe and suddenly all communication is lost because we don’t want to say what we really want to say because we’re afraid, too afraid of the hurt, the pain, the damage it may cause, and we leave when most of the time we want so badly to stay.

Stay, convince me i should stay, don’t just let me walk away.

...but we always do because the words somehow seem to get stuck in our throats and we choke on the idea that all we want is about to disappear and we choke on the tears we feel like we need to hold back in times like these, where we choose to do the opposite of what we want to...

in order to what’s best for you,

what’s best for them,

what’s best for both of us in the end.

...which it often leaves us with what-if’s, i-wish-i-said’s, if-only’s and other regrets to live with and carry in the pockets of our heavy hearts. and there’s always a should-i-have, could-i-have, would-i-have in the back of our minds that we could never go back and do...

...and it makes me wish that we knew better now than later to say what we meant, than to pretend we felt differently just because we were too scared to wear these hearts on our sleeves, even know i know living that way is a dangerous life to lead...

-sometimes i think it would make us a lot happier than anyone would believe. "

x

Rawr.

Closing Chapters.

Dedicated to the Austin Chase lover, I hope this pick-me-up helps!

"oftentimes we search for closure in the wrong places, but once in awhile we find it right where we weren’t looking — mostly because it wasn’t the kind we were looking for, it wasn’t the kind we wanted, it wasn’t the kind that would leave us satisfied in a way closure is supposed to leave us satisfied. because it goes against all you’ve ever believed and all the effort you made and it makes you feel like it wasn’t worth it at all. and we always want to feel like at the very least we did all we could to make it worth it, but that’s not always the case and when that happens, regrets add up and you start to feel like nothing will ever make up for every chapter that goes unfinished except maybe keeping the idea in your head of what could have been .. instead of just writing it off as the end even though that’s really what it is but you’ll never want to admit it because there’s still going to be a little part of us that wants to leave some of those doors cracked open for re-openings and comebacks with hope that things might finally change or finally go your way. but most of the time they never do and this is how we come up with the closure we’re never given — by having to give it to ourselves even though that’s the last thing we ever wanted to do because all along, we’ve just been secretly waiting, waiting too long for something that may never come, from someone who’s been long gone, both in distance and in time. there will come a point where we can’t wait anymore. and for that i’m still waiting, because i want nothing more than to write this ending and to finally write him off of my skin, out of my mind and out of my heart. "

-derived from 52 hearts

Uttered Silence.

You always caught me off guard like that, with that goofy smile and those sweet sad eyes. Every now and then when I close my eyes that soft wind of every other season still whispers reminders into my skin which makes me only long for yours to be around again and again - and having that would be guaranteed heartache blown back into my face. but it appears it’s a force I can’t protect myself from because every time I get caught in this spinning calm, I just can’t help but still keep being swept away by all that you are. And some days I don’t know how my heart survived you because it was always so close to the edge fighting the ultimate fall. Somehow though, I made it without that happening bearing in mind that you're much more satisfied in someone elses attentiveness. It’s one of those things I’m afraid of saying out loud because saying it out loud means admitting it and admitting means it’s true and if it’s true, then that means too many other things that are just too hard to deal with. And it’s one of those things where everyone else you know knows it, but nobody’s talking about it. Yet I cannot resist the opportunity to hide myself behind lines because I am so ashamed of the truth, what more to set it on white paper.

-inspired by 52 hearts