Trust.

It's hard.

What happens when the people that matters most in your life let you fall flat solid on the ground?
What happens when they were not there when you needed them the most?
What happens when you trusted them so much only to be let down?

No one to depend on.
No one to trust.
No one to say 'It's Alright'.
No one to lend a shoulder to cry on.

In these moments, you really doubt whether there's people out there
who truly appreciate your existance,
who are happy with who you are,
who you really could actually trust.

I guess it's easier not to expect so much from someone, then to have a huge dissapointment at the end. ;(
I will not make that mistake again.

Yes, I do admit I have trust issues.
No, I wasn't born that way.

I wasn't born with a wall around my heart.
It's people who I trusted the most that made me loose faith in trust.

Again and again I wanted to proof that I was wrong,
that they were dependable,
that they will be there.

Yet again and again
they seem to proove me right.;(

It hurts.
To trust and believe someone so much,
only to be shattered to a million pieces.

Eventually, you're finally tired of lying to yourself.

Reality hits.

Wasted tears I've spent crying on sleepless nights.
Wasted hopes on people I once thought who would care.
Wasted time I spent thinking of illogical explanations on why they would abandon me.

Sure, sometimes I do have a glinter of hope that people will proof me wrong.
Yet days goes by, it seems to fade, perhaps even non-existant anymore.

At the end of it all, I guess, it's just me, myself and I. ;/

Lessons were learnt.
No one said it would be easy.

I have learnt to be tough.
I have learnt to stay strong.
I have learnt to stand alone.
I have learnt to be independent.

Still it hurts, badly. ;'(

Trust,
it's hard.

Then again, maybe it's just me.